10 Responses to “We Are Interested In Private Adoption…not Using An Agency. Anyone Have Advice On What To Do Next?”

1. 

   Angela R said on Monday, October 26, 2009, 21:10

   Correct me if I have this confused, but I am assuming you’re saying that you are already in the process to adopt from China, but because of the 2-4 year wait you are looking to adopt a child domestically now, and still adopt from China later.
   With domestic infant adoption there are far more families waiting to adopt then there are expectant mothers planning to place their babies for adoption. This is why many agencies suggest “networking” practices such as placing ads, and contacting doctors, churches, and school, which understandably makes many people feel uncomfortable.
   However, if you pursue a private adoption on your own or through an attourney, you will find the need to use the same types of “networking” to “find” and expectant mother, actually you’ll probably have to do more of this on you own. There simply aren’t a lot of woman planning on placing their child for adoption who are sitting around waiting for someone to find them.
   This is part of the reason many families choose international adoption. Although some countries are fraught with corruption, in countries such as China there truely are children who need familes, and have no hope of returning to their biological familes (due to policies such as the “one child only”) As you probably know, China only allows a fraction of it’s orphaned children to be adopted internationally, so that is why the wait is so long.
   I know there are many children waiting in China with special needs who are immediately available for referral. If you don’t feel you can meet the needs of a special needs child, I do known that Holt International has a program called “Children of promise” for children with very minor correctable needs, and since these children are sadly harder to place, the wait for referral is about half of the regular program.
   If your having ethical hesitations about domestic adoption practices, and don’t feel able to adopt a child with any “special” needs I would suggest either looking into an international program with a shorter wait (such as Korea or Ethiopia) or just waiting out the longer program for China. I know it’s difficult to wait, but in adoption the “faster” way is not always the best way.
   Best of luck.
2. 

   PhilM said on Monday, October 26, 2009, 21:54

   BooBoo I am sorry to say that even in private adoption you might get the impression that you are “buying” a baby. Private adoption is one of the most costly forms of adoption. Adopting privately could be even more costly then adopting from China. If you matched with a expecting mother you might even have to pay her medical bill.
   Don’t feel guilty about wanting to have a baby, many people do. Frankly many girls in China are simple abandoned by their parents because of the 1 child rule, and parents wanting a boy.
   As far as finding a expecting mother I’m not really fond of some of the ways. My Aunt and her husband advertised when they were looking to adopt, people write dear birthmother letters. Some couples even make a business card. If I was in this boat I would want a baby that had already been born and the rights of the biological parents had already been given up either voluntarily or terminated.
   I have never heard of someone contacting a doctor about adoptions. Grant it i realize a woman may express her desire for placing to her doctor but to me it seems a bit inappropriate for that doctor to go about helping his/her patient find PAP for their unborn child.
3. 

   Commercials are Brainwashing said on Monday, October 26, 2009, 23:21

   What is up with the idea that doctors have babies on hand to give away? Doctors are not social workers or adoption matchmakers. Pregnancy is a medical condition and as such is a private matter between a doctor and his/her patient. Even if a patient asks about adoption, it is unethical for a doctor to respond in any other way than to refer the patient to a professional counselor so she can explore ALL of her options. Also, doctors are legally bound by HIPAA laws not to disclose patient information, meaning they can be fined/sued if they call their friends and tip them off to a “situation”. I would sue the hell out of any doctor who did that to me.
   The idea of a medical professional taking advantage of his/her relationship with his/her patient makes my skin crawl. Why would you ask them to do that? Ick – just ick. Do you think that anyone who has influence over pregnant women should be your baby broker?
4. 

   grapesgu said on Tuesday, October 27, 2009, 2:47

   Your right it shouldn’t be that way. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad, or guilty about wanting to have a child added to your life, regardless of how or where you are adopting from your new little girl is in need of a great home, and you are able to provide that for her. You are a good person, good luck with your adoption all the work is worth it once you get to have your new little love at home with you. I am adopting a child from mexico, she is a family member who’s mother passed away and we are having a horrible time of it, but just keep doing whatever they tell you to, it takes time but hey nothing good is ever easy
5. 

   Learn2Lo said on Tuesday, October 27, 2009, 5:55

   Adoption is meant to be about finding a home for a child that really needs it.
   Not about finding a baby for your needs.
   Your gut is telling you that something is wrong
   Go with that.
   Look into foster care – they have thousands of kids needing loving homes. (and many are infants and young children – with parental rights already taken away)
   Or are you really just after a baby to fill your needs??
   That’s a lot of pressure for an adoptee to fill.
   I’m all for adoption – when it’s absolutely needed.
   A child – for the BEST emotional and psychological health – should grow up with the family they were born to.
   Please don’t try to separate them – if they don’t absolutely need to be separated – as that’s what infant adoption is all about.
6. 

   Possum said on Tuesday, October 27, 2009, 8:37

   we are in the exact same boat as you with a China adoption. You are NOT buying a baby. I guess many people on here don’t understand that there are several children all around the world who have no moms and dads….and they deserve to have them!
   As for the domestic adoption you are looking into….there are some churches that help with these situations if you do not want to go through an agency. God bless…maybe we’ll meet in China!!!
7. 

   slm4jesu said on Tuesday, October 27, 2009, 11:02

   “It shouldn’t be that way”, you say?
   Why, because it makes you uncomfortable? Maybe you ought to look at that…
   What ‘shouldn’t be’ is that people have to give up their children to please infertile Westerners half way around the world…
8. 

   Sunny said on Tuesday, October 27, 2009, 15:48

   So instead of feeling like you are buying a baby, you want to actually buy a baby?
   Private adoptions are rife with ethical problems.
9. 

   PhilM said on Tuesday, October 27, 2009, 16:05

   Part of the problem you are having is that you ARE buying a baby. You just don’t feel like wearing the tag that says so?
10. 

    Kelly M said on Tuesday, October 27, 2009, 16:24

    Accept your fate and embrace childlessness?